Some things have to be cut short fuck it my name on the lease so ummm yea I guess that means you have to go. Never disrespect somebody in they own house like wtf would make u think that’s ok
Woke up to breakfast but all I keep thinking about Is our discussion last night … Jas said I look like I lost my best friend and I keep pouting but what else is there to do when u try to fix it or at least close the book peacefully but no one will let you it’s just really difficult to find peace when you know someone you love is hurting out there and u caused it . Omg then everyday the horoscope says the same bullshit including today. Anyway time to take babe to work and find sum pink curtains -_- eeww ..
I used to play this everytime we parked the car to talk
“When people see u down instead of helping u up they always wanna kick you . They always want to be judgmental but never be judged … Just remember you haven’t always been perfect and you have struggles in your house hold as well just because yours are diffrent dosent make you better than me. Nobody’s perfect so why would you think you are..”
- From the words of my other
: weird thing is I’m hurting for all the wrong reasons
Random these moments are important off work chilling at the apartment ……. Waiting on jas to get off so she can cook dinner . Just relaxing and thinking about next weeks events. Talked to Veronica and she reminded me how many people are encouraging me
She sleep … I’m up bored af as the days go by it gets easier to move forward but the feelings and hurt are still there. It’s like everything I said I would never do or feel is coming out of me is that wrong ?…. It’s just my feelings…. I start to question everything how could something so warm turn so cold was it never meant to be? People say sometimes you can be perfect with Someone but not perfect FOR someone and you can’t force a peice where there is no room. My intentions wernt to hurt you but shit I did and I hurt me to equal the pain I caused you. It’s weird for me because I thought I would be miserable and heartbroken but all I keep sayin is I lost one of the best friends I ever had. I’ve never felt this low or this strange. This is my confession from my heart to the stars and the night because during the day I’m lost with no where to go…..I’m not perfect I mess up and I will continue to mess up the One thing that I can say is that you don’t have to harm yourself to prove you love soneone.if you do and you truly do they will know deep down even when you hurt them.. Love isn’t perfect or faultless there will be issues or matters of the heart… I feel I have to let this out because it is the only way I will set my soul and heart free as grandma would say. My car wreck was intentional my heart was heavy I was depressed and I felt abandoned in a world of pain and suffering. I felt like giving up. I realized God had another plan for me because when I was supposed to fly through the windshield from impact I stayed In my seat with merely four bruised ribs… The only thing is you would have thought I would have seen the purpose in my life by now but two nights later I tried to overdose on pills as soon as I was starting to pop pill after pill my grandmother walked in and stopped me again this was divine intervention because when I could have been dead and gone he kept me here now the question I need to anwser is Why? What is my purpose? Why did he block death and give me peace of mind when it was just in a battle with defeat. Truth is I love her and if I would have killed myself I wasn’t hurting her it would have been me . I know I have lost her friendship and her caring for me but the biggest thing I have to remember is the race is not givin to the quick and strong . But to the strong in heart and mind. I will never stop loving her or forget our memories but sometimes people let their hurt speak for them an not their heart so only God knows what tommorow holds for me and to her I apologize
It seems that every now and then someone comes along in my life that makes such an impact to inspire me to do more than I could ever imagine, opening my mind to new possibilities and capabilities along with new ideas…..But I must confess that of these typical yet rare occasions you always have that one impact that not only leaves an imprint of sorts but a complete life change…..This is my interpretation of what you have imprinted upon me ♥
Head down….eyes shut
Attempting to speak words but….
Mind wandering in so many directions it’s hard to choose one path….
You + Me divided by equals….you do the emotional math…
Has it been enough time for me to tell you wat’s really goin on
Or will it be the fate of our lives wen this softly spoken truth you stumble upon….
It’s hard to really explain what my mind is sayin and wat my heart wants
The memories of the past worry of the present and fear of the future desires to haunt….
My heart smiles when I see your face but then wen you’re gone I want to run to you but instead I pace….
The time it has taken you to make me feel loved, cared for, and appreciated has amazed me
Before I met you I thought this was something that used to be….
In the eyes of most this may seem wrong but I can’t help how I feel
So I jus go with the flow never failing to let you know and they’ll just have to deal….
To be honest my heart has been stone for a long time
But for you to come and knock those walls down one by one is it really such a crime?
I have never been so captivated by a set of eyes or a peculiar personality
So much love given from above with grace like the finesse of lace and a touch of sensuality…..
Your love for life seems to take hold of me and I see a creation
It bubbles, it flows, it rumbles, and then it grows….into an undying inspiration….
This gives me hope that I am capable of being loved and loving
I need this reassurance because without the hope of love in my life I have nothing….
Tell me why it is that I couldn’t have met you at a different time, more so sooner than later
I suppose you can’t rush fate so my motto is with patience you find something greater….
There’s a fine line between fantasy and reality but I hope that wat this is could possible be my destiny….
Out of every one that I’ve met no one has made an impression the way you’ve made your own
Coming into my life with no more than a soft whisper and an angel’s face which so accustomed I have grown….
Being everything I could ever want in my wildest dreams seems to be a very slim possibility
But for you to be who you are and still be these things is a mere natural ability…..
You haven’t failed to amaze me yet but I bet that you still have more to show
I just truly hope that now since my walls are falling, you will feel my longing and catch such a fragile heart so that we may grow so that you will never let go…..
There are things in my life I haven’t faced
Not for fear but of a regretful disgrace.
So many things about me I do not reveal
I keep those things hidden and show wat is of appeal
I have many scars and wounds that will not mend
But through these hurts I’ve tried to transcend.
I feel for so long I have worn a mask
To get through this thing called life, sometimes an unbearable task.
Trudging with every step to maintain
The life that I have,to give up I refrain.
I feel lost and overlooked,
Raw like poultry, unacknowledged, uncooked.
I find comfort in speaking and passion in writing,
I find an escape in running and peace in hiding.
Complex emotions you will find in me,
Unexplainable mysteries solved? They may never be.
I’ve pushed away my true identity,
But wat lies within me is my life’s hidden entity.
I feel like I hide out of frustration and pain,
Being frowned upon with a look of disdain.
Never feeling like I could do things right,
Figuring, solving, and trying with all my might.
But through the years there have been nothing but tears,
But I am slowing my pace to turn to wat once before I could not face.
I do not look to an outside source for a tissue of remorse.
I look within trying to find the me that is so emotionally frail and thin.
Because this is who I am, my life’s make-up, my program.
It is unlike no other, never meant for another,
but someone long ago I was suppose to become,
Not this person so detached and numb
But before anything, I must feel again,
And remind myself every now and then.
To look upon myself not as inferior,
But to look again and see the mirror,
Of everything that I was searching for,
Is behind the unopened forbidden door,
Of purpose, fulfillment and destiny,
And realizing that all of these very things I seek are me…..